SOME PERSONAL THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE

Men are very smart!

They have wives. And what do the wives do? All the boring shit – buy the food, pick up the dry cleaning, do the washing, clean the bathroom etc. etc.…..

And statistics show that 40 years after women went back into the workforce men are still not doing anywhere near equal amounts of that stuff.

See men are smart. They know that all that stuff is mind numbingly boring…that’s why they invented wives.

Actually I’ve always wanted a wife. I think it would be fabulous to have someone to do all that boring shit for you and that you don’t have to pay.

But it’s a funny thing marriage – not something I ever wanted to do – you know lose my identity and become Mrs Somebody else.

But I think the marriage thing is out of control. Back in cave man days it was just done with a bang on the back of the head. Simple!

Now we’re very sophisticated…we want more….People spend $50,000 – $100,000 on a wedding and it lasts 2 years.

I think that’s a very poor investment.

HERE’S SOME FACTS ABOUT MARRIAGE

Once upon a time when we first stopped being apes and became men and women we were tribal.

Somehow in there we became couples.

Anthropologists think it was about protection from rape for women and for who got the cows for men.

So men and women formed couples.

And it was smart to do so.

A woman was pregnant and lactating most of the time so she made a deal with a man to protect her and bring back food and in return she would produce and care for children.

Sensible, simple, contract for services….made sense then, but now?

FACT: Life expectancy for women is now over 80 years – nearly 3 times that of Neolithic women who lived to be about 30 so they only spent about 15 years with their partner.

FACT: The average marriage produces 1.8 children so a woman is now NOT pregnant or lactating most of her life. In fact 1 third of her life will be after menopause.

FACT; 30% of all marriages end in divorce…..they were just not designed to last 2 and a half Neolithic lifetimes.

I guess you’ve heard of a marriage of convenience – well does that make the rest inconvenient?

ANOTHER VERY IMPORTANT FACT

Not many people know this off the top of their heads but there are 168 hours in a week.

That is probably the closest we come to any form of equality because it doesn’t matter if you’re man, woman , child, black, white, brindle, rich or poor that’s all you get and it is not possible to get any more, buy any more, find anymore, swap for more, create more.

So, 168 hours, that’s what you have to work with.

Now bear with me on this and you’ll see where I’m going.

Let’s say the average woman with 2 little children, a husband, a house and a career needs 8 hours sleep a night – that’s 56 per week.

Work = 35

Travels to work 7.5

She eats for 7 hours per week

Her ablutions, dressing, hair and makeup, hairdresser etc. take 10 hours per week.

Shopping, going to the chemist, dry cleaning, vet etc. take 6 hours per week.

Washing and ironing 4 hours

Food preparation, washing up etc. 12 hours

Dressing, bathing, talking to the kids 10 hours

Driving the kids 5 hours.

Kids homework 5 hours.

Her exercise 3 hours.

Contact with parents siblings and friends 4 hours.

Seeing the doctor or dentist 2 hours.

Shopping for personal, presents, paying bills etc. 2 hours.

And anything else…,

But that’s it – she’s over the limit – book her. Go directly to jail.

You know what’s very interesting about “women’s work”?

When we signed on for this arrangement all those millennia ago there wasn’t all that much involved in keeping the cave clean.

Now it’s a full time job and we want to go out and do the man’s work as well.

The time calculation above assumes that someone else is doing all the traditional male tasks such as mowing, cleaning gutters, cleaning cars etc.

If he is still living at home it also assumes that he does not require any attention, conversation or sex.

So a house, 2 kids a career and a husband is not possible.

So what’s the solution I hear you cry?

Here is my gem for you…the easiest solution is divorce.

Get rid of the husband. He’s the only thing in that equation that’s expendable.

You have to have somewhere to live, you love the kids and your career is rewarding and pays the bills.

Without him you can cut down the time for housework, and have one night per week and every 2nd weekend child free.

If I had realised this when I decided to go it alone I might have decided to marry just for the fringe benefits of divorce.

You know – we were promised we could have it all, but we forgot to do a time management study. Big Ms. Take.